Sunday, September 23, 2018

Hana no Uta (花の歌/ Flower's Song) Lyrics

I have to say I've been a huge Fate fan especially of all the Stay Night and Zero series. Today I'm going to write out lyrics of the song written by Yuki Kajiura (Fate series' composer goddess) & sung by Aimer (adorkable singer goddess) as the ED for the first part of Heaven's Feel movie series, Presage Flower (2017), in hype for the second part that's said to release this January. I'll write the original version in Japanese (as much as a human, non-native & amateur Japanese learner ear can hear) and then try translating it into English. (WARNING: I've only been learning Japanese these past several years, so the translation may not be fully accurate. Discretion is advised.)

You can listen to the song here. Here goes!

Kanji Lyrics
その日々は夢のように
臆病な微笑みと やさしい爪を 残して行った
退屈な花びらのように
くるしみを忘れて
貴方の背中でそっと 泣いて笑った
帰らぬ日々を思うような
奇妙な愛しさに満ちた

箱庭の中で 息をひそめ
季節が行くことを忘れ
静かな水底のような 時間にいた

冷たい花びら 夜に散り咲く
まるで白い雪のようだね 切なく
貴方の上に降った かなしみを全て 払いのけてあげたいだけ
貴方のこと傷つけるもの全て 私はきっと許すことは出来ない

優しい日々 涙が出るほど帰りたい

貴方と二人で 見上げた花びらが散った

月が雲に隠れて
貴方は道を失くして
泣き出しそうな 目をしてた
ぎざぎざなこころだって
ふたつ合わせてみれば
優しいものがきっと 生まれてくるわ

私を傷つけるものを 貴方は許さないでくれた
それだけでいいの

戯れに伸ばされた 貴方の手にしがみ付いた
諦めていた世界に
やがて温かな灯がともる

冷たい花びら 夜を切り裂く
私が摘んだ光をみんな束ねて
貴方の上に全部 よろこびのように 撒き散らしてあげたいだけ
わるいことをしたらきっと貴方が 怒ってくれると約束したよね
だからきっともう一度 私を見つけてくれるよね
寂しいところに もういなくていいね

一人で 見上げた 花びらが散った

Romaji Lyrics
Sono hibi wa yume no you ni
okubyouna hohoemi to | yasashii tsume wo | nokoshiteitta
Taikutsuna hanabira no you ni
kurushimi wo wasurete
anata no senaka de sotto | naite waratta
Kaeranu hibi wo omou youna
kimyouna itoshisa ni michita

Hakoniwa no naka de | iki wo hisome
Kisetsu ga yuku koto wo wasure
shizukana minasoko no youna | jikan ni ita

Tsumetai hanabira | yoru ni chirisaku
Marude shiroi yuki no you da ne | setsunaku
Anata no ue ni futta kanashimi wo subete | harainokete agetai dake
Anata no koto kidzutsukeru mono subete | watashi wa kitto yurusu koto wa dekinai

Yasashii hibi | namida ga deru hodo kaeritai

Anata to futari de | miageta hanabira ga chitta

Tsuki ga kumo ni kakurete
anata wa michi wo nakushite
nakidashisouna | me wo shiteta
Gizagizana kokoro datte
futatsu awasete mireba
yasashii mono ga kitto | umarete kuru wa

Watashi wo kidzutsukeru mono wo | anata wa yurusanaide kureta
Sore dake de ii no

Tawamure ni nobasareta | anata no te ni shigamitsuita
Akirameteita sekai ni
yagate atatakana hi ga tomoru

Tsumetai hanabira | yoru wo kirisaku
Watashi ga tsunda hikari wo minna tabanete
Anata no ue ni zenbu | yorokobi no you ni | makichirashite agetai dake
Warui koto wo shitara kitto anata ga | okotte kureru to yakusokushita yo ne
Dakara kitto mou ichido | watashi wo mitsukete kureru yo ne
Sabishii tokoro ni | mou inakute ii ne

Hitori de | miageta | hanabira ga chitta

English Translation
Those days were like a dream,
leaving behind timid smiles & gentle nails.
Like a boring flower petal,
I forget my suffering
& just stuck to your back, quietly laughing & crying.
Like thinking of the days that can never return,
I was full of strangely precious feelings.

Inside the miniature garden, I hold my breath.
I forget the passing of seasons,
I was in a time that felt like the quiet bottom of the sea.

Cold petals scatter in the night.
They're like snow, heartrending.
I just wanted to fend off all the sorrows that fell upon you.
There's no way I could ever forgive anyone who tries to hurt you.

I want to return to the gentle days so bad I could cry.

Together we saw the petals scattered from above.

The moon is hidden in the clouds,
you're losing your path,
you look like you're going to cry.
Even jagged hearts,
if you try putting them together,
something gentle would surely be born.

You said you'd never forgive anyone who tries to hurt me.
That all is enough.

I clung to the hand you had stretched out playfully.
The world that I had lost hope in,
finally lits its warm light.

Cold petals cut through the night.
I bundled all the lights I had plucked,
I just wanted to spread it all upon you like joy.
You promised you’d get angry if I did something bad, right?
So one more time I'm sure you'll find me again, right?
You don’t have to be in that lonely place anymore, right?

Alone I saw the petals scattered from above.

---
Such a saaad song but I like it so much. I like the strain of orchestra so carefully produced by Kajiura (さすがに), the depth & power in the singing that Aimer delivered, the pain, the withstand, the longing, the Sakura, the Sakura, the Sakura... She's just being written all over the song. Glad I learned it today :)

また

Saturday, November 4, 2017

"Choose, and the Universe will Follow"

Been a long time since I posted something.
(though I never promised anyone on making a schedule either. Pardon my lazy ass 😛)

Writing isn't really one of my habits, it was never routinely developed and rarely practiced. Only once every blue moon does inspiration come and enlighten me to make an outline (except school work). The fact that I even have a "running" blog still surprises me to this day. It doesn't have a schedule and I'm pretty sure would like to keep it that way.

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine messaged me asking how I've been. Yes, I've been away for some time and haven't shared much to anyone, even to my family. I never mean to leave them behind, it's just that I don't know exactly what to share. I mean, you can ask me anything and I'll give you the answers. But if you're asking for stories, I'm clueless. In writing, even.

But a promise is a promise, I guess. Each day my uneasiness builds up and it won't stop if I don't start doing this. So I'm dedicating this weekend in my room to write my first "story", slowly.

---
Long story short, I'm currently in an international exchange program in Tohoku University called International Program in Liberal Arts (IPLA) for one semester. I first found out about the program through international office in my university. When I received notification, I just gulped down all worries and decided to paddle through the stream.

Tohokudai is located in Sendai, Miyagi in Tohoku (northeast) region of Japan. It is one of the National Seven Universities and the third oldest imperial university in the country. The prefecture Miyagi is notoriously remembered from the 2011 Japan earthquake and tsunami resulting in the death of over 10,000 people. IPLA itself is self-descriptive, providing a variety of classes (in English) of Japanese economics, management, education, law, history, literature and also traditional culture.

The thing about the program is that it doesn't come with living cost scholarship, although the partnership between the two universities does help me to only pay for my usual tuition. But for living cost (e.g place to stay, food, transportation etc.), I needed to pay on my own or apply to JASSO, which I may or may not pass. And I didn't.

So how does one survive? JASSO scholarship per month is approximately 80,000 yen, as it is considered as the least living cost in Sendai. Dear God that's a lot of money. I needed to make numerous considerations that ultimately enable me to cut almost half of it. Luckily, Sendai living cost is relatively cheaper than other cities in Japan. I chose the cheapest dormitory (around 18,000 yen/mo); entirely relying upon free hotspots (no cell); bike to live (bus & subway fares are expensive); bring various last-long food for the first month and bring many daily necessities. Through some spicy internship and freelance and some salty, sour and bitter preparation months, I determined to make it happen.

Which brought me to the next question: How does one live? The one country you can't rely English in; I had started learning Japanese two years before. I have to say, anime is my major source of vocabulary and culture by carefully filtering the words and study them up online. For structure, I study with Japanese study groups on LINE app. I also learned a lot from a Japanese friend who happened to be exchange student in my university. I'm also really thankful for Japanese and culture courses of IPLA which is helping a lot with my immersion.

そう言えば, IPLA is a unique program. It has special arrangements with Japanese students who are interested in having intercultural communication called IPLANET. Together, they organize routine activities and seasonal trips to make the most of studying in Japan (especially Sendai). IPLA also has a tutoring system which helps a lot in adjusting life in campus and Sendai. Every student has a Japanese tutor (who is also a student). Pretty neat, right?

Not just IPLANET, there are many other international-oriented groups in the university and Sendai that are just as fun and helpful to international students. Every week, there's always an event; I've never felt completely vacant. A day is too short to fill up all the things I want to do. Particularly for Indonesians, there's also PPI Sendai that is one of the largest Indonesian student community in Japan; they have just as much programs that always keep the members company and homey.

Through them, I also find a lot of information about price and places. This is particularly important because I'm trying really hard to suppress budget. Like, where to get the cheapest fruits and vegetables. 100 yen (hyakuen) shops. Second-hand stores. Or which supermarket sells the cheapest groceries in general. Many groups hold city tours to introduce this kind of places. Also, Facebook communities, which is greatly used here. All groups and events are made on Facebook, including exchange markets. I'm glad I hadn't deleted my account lol.

---
I think that's generally it for my early story here as an exchange student. Next, I'm thinking of writing a detailed story of my flight to Japan and how I got to Sendai, with maps and prices and all. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading. 😊

また

Monday, July 17, 2017

Harmonie OST Lyrics

Thought I might try something different and write out lyrics from songs I hear in anime. I'll try writing the original version in Japanese (as much as a human, non-native & amateur Japanese learner ear can hear) and translate it into English. (WARNING: I've only been learning Japanese these past several years, so the translation may not be fully accurate. Discretion is advised.)

Soundtrack from a 2014 movie anime, Harmonie, which I keep coming back to every now and then (just realized). The anime was one of the four featured in Anime Mirai 2014. Don't really know what it's called, but you can listen to the song here. Here goes.

Kanji Lyrics
小さなその両手でどれほど抱えて歩いたのか
僕は知っているんだ
あの時も君は笑顔を見せたけど
一人で泣いていた
誰にも気付かれずに

大丈夫
僕がいつでもそばにいるよ
泣かないで
その痛みも引き連れて飛べるはず
君となら

Romaji Lyrics
Chiisana sono ryou te de dorehodo kakaete aruita no ka
boku wa shitteirunda
Ano toki mo kimi wa egao wo misetakedo
hitoride naiteita
darenimo kizukarezuni

Daijoubu
Boku ga itsudemo soba ni iru yo
Nakanaide
Sono itami mo hikitsurete toberu hazu
Kimi to nara

English Translation
How you've put up with many things with those tiny hands of yours
I know
That time, you still put up a smile
even though you cry when you're alone
without anyone noticing

It'll be alright
I'll always be right beside you
Don't cry
I can take that pain along with me, flying
if it's together with you

---
The music has a heart-warming feel to it--a bit sad, but, calming. The movie, too, is okay to watch when you just want something light. Should check it out. 😊

また

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Anime Afterthought: NANA (ナナ)

I don't easily look down on people based on what they are, or what they do. It's the attitude and the way of thinking that I rather look up to. Whether they do good things or bad things, I think it's only a matter of context (the percieved "good/bad things" itself may differ each person, depending on their principal values). Maybe we end up choosing the same path if we were in his/her condition. Maybe we fall into a much darker pit. No one knows. But the two things I mentioned, it's what differentiate the true, "good" person from the other.

(Err.. I think this will be more like a review than an afterthought like the first one. Maybe I'll write another later. 😅)

In my life of watching anime, I've never seen anything as comforting as it is depressing and as real as watching NANA. The feeling of love, anger, betrayal, pride, fear, sympathy and regret I received from learning both the lead characters, living the "determining stage of life" that is the transition into adulthood, gave me chills and warmth throughout the course of the series.

NANA is a 2006 anime adapted from a manga written and illustrated by Ai Yazawa. It tells about the chance encounter of Nana Komatsu and Nana Osaki, later about their friendship and each of their own lives. The two met on a fateful night in a bullet train to Tokyo, and sat next to each other. Hachi (lets just call the first girl this) came to Tokyo to finally meet her boyfriend, Shoji, after a year of LDR (and purposedly to live together), though, honestly it seems like she came just to find love. While Nana came to Tokyo to become a rock star. Both have same name, same age, same destination, and same motive: to start a new life.

Nana (Hachi) and Nana on a train to Tokyo
Nana Komatsu, an air-headed girl from a small town up in northern Japan (I have a feeling it's right around Tohoku region? It's never explicitly stated) who finds "love" as much as people do their laundry. I hate this girl. Ya, she's got the appeal, but blatantly speaking she really gave me frustration almost every 2-3 episodes, if not every episode, for all her "wishy washy" attitude when deciding about anything and still regret it after. I honestly couldn't care less about her desire for love, "doing it" every time she thinks she's found "the guy"; but the repetitive mistakes she made after finding out "it wasn't really what she wanted" really ticks me off.

Goodness lady, you say that everytime-_-
Then there's Nana Osaki, also from a small town in northern Japan, who wanted to become a rock star. Back home she already made a name for herself together with her band called the Black Stones, until one of the members decided to leave and join a soon-to-be popular band in Tokyo. This caused conflict and later hiatus, and was devastating for the band at first. But Nana quickly stood up and continued to chase her dream.

Hachi and Nana coincidentally met again when they were looking for a place to live in Tokyo, and, as fate would have it, decided to live together (Yes, Hachi ultimately didn't live with Shoji. Say this was the first drama of many). The two bear different personalities, yet it's what made them so close. I like how their apartment became the "connecting hub" of different people and friends, and how they became a host of many moments and stories, past and present (and future), all mashed in one room. Outside, they have their own different lives, doing different things, interacting with different people. But when they get home, it's their world together. It's fate--one of the things that made me like this series.

Every season never cease to astound me, like riding a never-ending roller coaster. One time it made me so frantic I felt like flipping a table. And the fact that it was left hanging upset me even more. But if it were to resemble life, it would never have a "true ending", it'd keep moving and changing everytime as long as you're alive (I heard the author have recovered from her illness, and will soon continue the manga. よかったじゃん 😇). It's 47 episodes long, but I highly recommend people watching it. It immediately made into my top 5 all-time favorites, out of 5. 😊

また

Sunday, April 16, 2017

境界だけなの。

society and its boundaries....

the concept of maturity seems only as formality; deep down people have innate features that never change, only dimmed in the boundary when interacting with other people built upon such formality.

choices always exist; the problem is whether one could bare the consequences.

for the record, although they still give credits to those who defy, people would seem to oblige.

the perceived "special people" who confronted structure still is considered "special people", of which not everyone are able to adhere.

but all they did was choose; choices have always existed.

---
so, what now?

-my reasoning to not move up to a new stage of life ;-;
また

Friday, March 31, 2017

Anime Afterthought: Welcome to the N.H.K. (N。H。Kにようこそ!)

Woohoo first post :P
はじめまして、ミマです~

Watching Welcome to the N.H.K. made me realize the apparent and bitter truth that everyone, particularly those living in urban areas, experience and carry out everyday: the competition to stay valuable as a citizen. Every year, hundreds and thousands of people move inwards to the place that never sleeps--the big 'ol city where just about anything takes place. The ever-becoming densely populated area makes living in the city not just to run about, you have to actually earn it.

We need to take notice that the city can be a good place to have leisure--one might even find heaven--for all the big and beautiful buildings, bridges, parks, transportations, people--not to mention historical cities like London, New York or Tokyo--but as I've heard a Parisian once said, "It is a very nice place to visit, not to live." The privileges and sophistication of living in the city are the very things that bound you, "charge" you to compete, to do extra work, to make extra effort, to earn yourself the genuine status of a citizen.

Competition means win for one and lose for the other; people in the city compete by earning "capitals" in the form power, fame and fortune, and the more you have the more valuable you are considered as a citizen. Individual capacities might play into part here, but the most important thing is how you can share those capitals with society--how you can render and contribute to your surroundings as compensation for your "letter of acceptance". This is the main problem for our main protagonist in Welcome to the N.H.K., Tatsuhiro Satou, for his experiences with people were only mournful and exhausting ones.
Tatsuhiro Satou from Welcome to the N.H.K.
Judging from how Satou was portrayed in high school, he wasn't exactly what you say anti-social; he was just an ordinary, lazy, skeptical, 'keep-his-cool' kind of person (normal traits of a teenager), who accidentally got dragged into Literature Club by his senior and decided to stay so until graduation. School at that time was his obligation, his "pursuit of capital", and he didn't seem to have any significant problems then. Joining the Club was also his "compensation" for being a student there. True he didn't have many friends, but he was doing his part as a citizen, and he did just fine.

Then, just like any normal people would do after graduating high school, he had to choose either to start working or continue school, and he chose the latter. But it is after he had decided to drop out that his value as a citizen began to be tested. The matter is, he's no longer a student; he didn't have an obligation or "capital pursuit" as I mentioned earlier, and the longer he waited before starting another pursuit, the harder it is for him to "continue playing" in the competition. When one has finished or withdrawn from one's pursuit, one's individual capacity is put into test, and I believe time (in the anime, he has withdrawn from doing anything for 4 years) has made his already complicated personality more difficult, and the lack of "grip" to keep him in the competition worsened the situation even more. The result:
Satou being a hikikomori
He becomes even more withdrawn. Hikikomori is a unique social withdrawal and isolation syndrome that describes young adults not engaged in work or study, not in the process of finding a job, and who have had no relationships with others (except family members) for more than 6 months (Saito, 1998 in Yong and Kaneko, 2016). What I find most interesting in the definition is that behavior in hikikomori is not related to psychiatric problems (idem). I strongly agree with this, although one's personality may indirectly affect as well (timidity/shyness, reluctant/afraid, egoistic etc). The underlying reason why Satou chose to become a hikikomori, in my opinion, is because he has failed to stay in the competition.

You can say he's already a lazy person himself, not putting enough effort to change; at some cases he may be shy, afraid or "difficult to cope", but I believe it is profound; it is of the social pressure to stay valuable, to be considered accepted as a citizen, and evidently, Satou failed to compete. His track was fine until that fateful moment of his life, dropping out of college, and took too much time (or not at all) to find another pursuit to keep him in the competition. Consequently, society curses his existence, while at the same time he curses society for not accepting him. His value as a citizen is wearing out and he's realized that, society has also realized that, and it'd be better if he just pack his bags and leave (or so to say), for the norm to stay in the city, to keep being a citizen, is to stay valuable; by taking part in the competition of pursuing and sharing capitals as I've explained earlier.
Hitomi Kashiwa (Satou's senior in high school) as a civil servant
If only he didn't take too much time goofing around after dropping out, or, rather, if only he didn't drop out, he would've retained his valuable status of a citizen, even for the tiniest bit. His complicated personalities come later, or maybe don't really matter at all as long as he stays in the competition (in itself is a critic to the argument).

Going back to the definition of competition, though, I've mentioned that it means win for one and lose for the other. This means that there will always be someone prevailing and some other succumbing, and one succumb may mean prevail over someone lower, and one prevail may mean succumb to someone higher, and this dynamic goes on and on throughout people's life as a citizen. Stratification will never cease to exist, but this contradicts the assumption that the existence of hikikomori is invaluable. As a matter of fact, they are needed, as a means or even "inspiration" for other people to compete--to NOT become them. The existence of hikikomori in the city maintains the competition being played out, and perhaps becomes a "salvation" for those who are at the far edge of the pack.

In conclusion, my opinion is that, living in the city is a privilege, and it brought forth the assumption of having to stay valuable among the citizens. To achieve said value, people have to compete with each other by pursuing capitals while also sharing them. Fail to do so, their value as a citizen will be questioned and they may experience rejection from society, while they themselves may commit the same by becoming, what can called as, a hikikomori. Meanwhile, their existence in the city may be very much needed for maintaining the process of the competition.

また

References:
-Welcome to the N.H.K. (2006). Animation produced by NHK and Victor Entertainment. More info here
-Yong, R. K. F. and Kaneko, Y. (2016). Hikikomori, a Phenomenon of Social Withdrawal and Isolation in Young Adults Marked by an Anomic Response to Coping Difficulties: A Qualitative Study Exploring Individual Experiences from First- and Second-Person Perspectives. Open Journal of Preventive Medicine, 6, 1-20. Downloaded on March 31, 2017 from here